Kicking and screaming ... or packing and crying

It is done. For weeks I have been purging my belongings, eating at my favorite restaurants, riding my bike as often as possible and spending time with people I love, whose presence I will painfully miss. And now, as I type this in the bedroom in which I grew up, I must try to comprehend that Lawrence is no longer my address.

Saying goodbye was hectic and emotional and exciting and hard. But when my parents and selfless uncle Gary pulled up with his stock trailer on Saturday, I felt ready for the next step. (It may have helped that I was so very ready to be done with the moving process. And also proud to be the one without a U-Haul.)

A couple of weeks ago, it started to hit me that the time had come to leave. The moment seemed so far off for so long that it was easy to ignore. I had my China trip to think about, and then weddings. The moment I realized it, I was on the bike trail that runs between the Kansas River and sprawling green farmland. I was alone for the first time all week, enjoying the beautiful night and the peace of that place. Then I heard cicadas and started weeping. It may sound weird and it kind of was. When Kelsey comes home from Philly, she comments on things like cicadas. They are part of Kansas and not her new city. That summery sound made me realize how much I will miss things like that. So I just let myself mourn their loss for awhile. On my bike.

I think it is perfectly good and healthy to mourn the loss of home. And I can say, with full conviction, that I am ready and excited for my adventure. After I spend a few weeks with my family, that is....a necessary part of this transition.

Nicole leaves for her year in Slovenia next week but took time to visit my original home. Showing her what I love about Hutch was a great distraction from dwelling on what I'll miss about Lawrence. As Nicole and I both went through the process of leaving, she taught me a lot about appreciating home and embracing change at the same time. God aligned our friendships well that way and will continue to do so, I think.

I look forward to finding my way in Philly, and I look forward to trips home.

But first, I will spend a few days in Denver with family and dear friends. My grandparents are taking me on a road trip.

With love.